Pornography & Sexual Addiction Help

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We compare battling addictions to two wolves.

Little Eagle, a lively youngster, approached his wise grandfather, White Mountain, late one afternoon with tears in his eyes.

“Grandfather. There is so much about the ways of life that I do not understand. There are some boys who are mean to me and they always want to fight and do bad things. I’m not afraid of them but I do not want to fight. Why are they so mean?”
White Mountain looked lovingly at his grandson and thought for a moment. “There are two wolves in my heart that are engaged in a ferocious battle,” he said.

Little Eagle wiped his teary cheeks and stared up in wonder at his aging Grandfather.

“One wolf,” the Grandfather continued, “is evil. He is a very vengeful, angry, and violent wolf. He is deceptive and makes trouble everywhere he goes. The other wolf is good and he is our friend. He brings peace, love, joy and all of the great virtues wherever he goes. These two wolves battle inside the hearts of every man, woman and child who walk this Earth.” The grandfather paused again, then went on. “This battle is raging inside the hearts of those boys who taunt you, Little Eagle. “In fact, this same battle is going on inside of you too. It is a terrible struggle.”

Little Eagle pondered this new idea and thought some more about the mean boys. “But, Grandfather,” he asked with great curiosity, “which one of these wolves will win this great battle?”

“Ah! That is a very wise question, Little Eagle,” the Grandfather replied. “The wolf that wins is the one that you feed the most.”

If one feeds the addiction, it grows stronger but if one feeds the healthy self then it grows stronger and can easily manage the dark wolf.

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“There is no such thing as a day without challenges and obstacles to work through. Learning to look at challenges and obstacles as opportunities for growth is helpful in developing an optimistic outlook on life. Expecting, even in the slightest degree that you should not have to face challenges and obstacles today is a set up for frustration, irritation, and depression. Striving for small perfect moments throughout the day is a positive way to approach the world.”
- Carol Dwec

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Learning to find joy in the journey is one of the greatest secrets of life.

The nature of life is that it is full of challenges. It is in facing these challenges with faith that makes it possible to make progress and grow stronger.

Ghandi once said, “Joy lies in the fight, in the struggle, in the suffering involved not in the victory itself.”

These are wise words to remember. We must continually move towards a way of being and not be so concerned about a particular destination. There is no destination that does not lend itself to another one in the future. That is why the InnerGold system is about becoming someone by the regular practice of doing dailies based on the 5 keys to the language of recovery which are acceptance, surrender, awareness, mindfulness and faith.

It is the obstacles we face that grants us the opportunity to become stronger and more compassionate towards others.

We can commit ourselves to keep moving forward and put a smile on our face despite the challenges that we might face!

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Dear Mr. Bruin,

I have been wanting to write this email for some time, but never envisioned what exactly would “push me over the edge” to do this.

I have been utterly amazed at the words you speak, the knowledge you have, and the effort you make to try and help other people – you really do want to change the world one person at a time!

I started the Inner Gold (IG) treatment right about the end of March, and a few weeks later I subscribed to the podcasts, which have caused me great behavioral changes i.e. after every podcast that I listen to, I have this urge to really change because the podcasts seem to address things I can relate to in an inexplicable manner. I hope this makes sense.

I guess it would help if I tell you a little bit about myself before the above statement would make sense. I am successful airline pilot for one of the biggest airlines in the world. I joined this company at the age of –, and before that I did the most incredible flying up in Africa, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and even Afghanistan! I started flying at the age of –, and have managed to live my dream ever since. I can honestly say that where I am sitting right now (career wise) I have managed to make a dream come true. This is something I am truly thankful for, but I have been dragging this dirty little secret with me since my youth when everything started for me in the form of a school friend telling me how he saw pictures of naked women on the Internet – the rest is self-explanatory.

Just like most of your clients/patients, I suffer from this horrible addiction of pornography too. I finally understand what it feels like to be truly frustrated with the process of trying and failing and staying sober. This is affecting my job, my self esteem, my focus, and I need help.

My biggest problem is that I can not speak to anyone about this. Not that I do not have parents or siblings, but for the exact reason that I do, and not only that, I have a wonderful brother and the best parents in the world… I guess pride is the word that I do not want to use, but know is the subject here, and I just feel like I need to vent. I need to share this with someone. I don’t think I have many friends, and the few ones I do are not exactly the ones I would like to share this with since they are not only friends, but work colleagues.

I listened to the most recent podcast where you say that pornography is the plague of our generation. This rattled me to the bone, and I don’t think any statement so far has shocked me to my core as much as what you described in this particular podcast. It is this very statement that makes me want to change like nothing else.

I have wasted time, money and emotions on pornography, and want to stop. I understand that I need to follow the IG manual’s advice (daily planning sheets, future picture statement, and meditation).

I can not begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have come across your website, and I would like to look back one day and see that I have truly recovered from an addiction.

We hope this letter helped you to relate and to realize you are not alone. As always, YOU CAN DO IT!

Have a great day.

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We are here to learn how to master ourselves. There really is no way to learn any task or skill without errors. The process of learning has been defined as “successive approximation.” Watch children learning to walk. They literally learn to walk by falling down. Each time they fall, they adjust their balance and try again. Each failure creates a successive approximation.

. . . Finally they can walk.

Do not give up, if you are less than perfect. Pick yourself up quickly, learn from your experience and move on. Mistakes are always the product of hindsight. A mistake is anything you do that you later, upon reflection, wish you had done differently. This also applies to things you didn’t do that you later, upon reflection, wish you had done. It is in the striving that life has its meaning.

Be positive and optimistic and keep moving forward. The only failure in the process of self-mastery is the failure to get up and keep trying after a setback.

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In ancient Asia men learned to tame wild elephants. These powerful beasts were directed for the constructive use of man by gaining trust in their rider. These powerful beasts would respond to the gentle direction given. This is a good analogy as to how the two-part brain works.

The elephant can be likened unto the limbic system which is strong and powerful while the pre-frontal cortex can be likened unto the rider. Which one do you think is stronger, the elephant or the rider?

It is obvious as to pure strength that the elephant is stronger but when the elephant can learn to trust the rider then great things can be accomplished. It must be understood that the elephant will not trust the rider if it is beaten into submission. It is through patience, love and constant redirection that this relationship is developed. Understand that you have a part of yourself that is like the elephant but you also have a part of yourself that is like the rider. The rider can learn to direct the elephant and thereby making a powerful and positive force for good.

Do dailies and constantly holding yourself accountable for your actions is how to do this. As you do this you are in the process of getting better every day. Don’t give up is setbacks come. Learn from them, pick yourself up and move on. The rider who has tamed the elephant has spent years of constant work and patience.

Keep moving forward!

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“We would like to celebrate heroism and heroes as special acts by special people.  However, most people who are held up to this higher plane insist that what they did was not special, was really what everyone should have done in the situation.  They refuse to consider themselves “hero’s.”  Maybe such a reaction comes from the ingrained notion we all have – that hero’s are supermen and women, a cut or more above the common breed.  Perhaps more than their modesty is at work.  Perhaps, rather, it is our general misconception of what it takes to be heroic.” – Philip Zimbardo

Perhaps the greatest acts of heroism go unnoticed on a daily basis as one continues to maintain their sobriety in an increasingly challenging world.  Heroism focuses us on what is right with human nature.  We care about heroic stories because they serve as powerful reminders that people are capable of resisting evil, of not giving in to temptations, of rising above mediocrity, and of heeding the call to action and to service when others fail to act.  Be a hero today by focusing on your future picture statement and doing your dailies!  The power to influence the world resides in small acts.

Remember the statement by Margaret Mead a cultural anthropologist who said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Be a HERO today!

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“People may wonder why anybody would want to run a distance race. What fun is it? Why all the hard, exhausting work? Where does it get you? It is one of the strange ironies of this strange life that those who work the hardest, who subject themselves to the strictest discipline, who give up certain pleasurable things in order to achieve a goal, are the happiest men.”
-Brutus Hamilton

Remember in your daily journey that there is a huge difference between instant gratification and lasting peace. Someone once said that the hallmark of emotional intelligence is the ability to delay instant gratification. Accept what you cannot control and discipline yourself to manage what you can. Triggers mean nothing – it is what you choose to do with them that matters. Lean into the wind and move forward.

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Why so much focus on the youth?