Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

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Invictus
This week I would like to invite you to memorize the poem Invictus.  I have a 17 year old young man I have been working with who is struggling with addiction issues and a plague of doubt.  He has memorized this poem and it has changed his outlook on life.  It has given him hope in his ability to deal with his challenges.  He meditates on this poem daily for 10 minutes.  Use this poem as outlined in chapter 5 in the Innergold manual.   For this young man it has transformed his life.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”

-Robert G. Ingersoll

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“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” -Fr. Alfred D’Souza

Without obstacles to overcome what meaning could life possibly have?  It is through the personal struggle with weaknesses that one can be made strong. Keep applying the information to your life you are learning and you’ll get better one day at a time. Pick yourself up and keep trying!

In the treatment system, we use the analogy of the butterfly that is coming out of the cocoon. A little boy discovers the butterfly and sees it struggling, he decides to help it out. The little butterfly takes flight but only to fall to the ground a few minutes later.

The boy was sad and asked is Grandpa, “Why did it die?”

The grandfather replied, with love in his heart, “That butterfly needed to strengthen its self and prepare for the days ahead. When you removed its struggle, it did not receive the strength it needed.”

Just like this butterfly, we all have struggles but these struggles make us ready for the days ahead. Keep going, you can do it.

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One of the great paradoxes of life is that the young are always wishing they were just a little older and the old are usually wishing they were a whole lot younger.

The great secret of life is to be happy where you are in the process doing the best you can with what you have.  It is common to think that the grass is always greener on the other side.  Your job is to face whatever challenges that may be in front of you right now (today) and do whatever you can to make them right.  If you are facing a challenge today what makes you think that it will be easier to overcome or deal with tomorrow?  Don’t fret about the past or be to consumed with the future, but live now.  I recently read a story about a minister who was having a difficult time going to sleep because he was so worried about the future and the condition of the world.  God said to him, “Go to sleep bishop.  I will stay up and watch over things.”  If you do your best today trust that things will work out.  Everything is going to be okay when all the dust settles.  Face the truth, be responsible, smile and keep moving forward.

Consider the following:  “Rock of Ages,” one of the most popular Christian hymns, was composed under unusual circumstance.   In 1775, Augustus Toplady took shelter from a storm in a cleft of a large rock at Barrington Coombe in Somerset, England, and while waiting for the rain to stop, wrote this famous song on the only piece of paper he could find – a playing card. Just doing the best you can where you are at with what you’ve got may make more of a difference in the world than you think.

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There is much truth to the saying, “We often find what we are looking for.”  What we find in our personal world is largely a result of the questions we keep asking ourselves over and over again.  If we can learn to change the questions then the outcomes change.  For example, ponder the difference between these sets of questions:

• What action can I take today to improve my sobriety and mental health
• How come I constantly slip up?
• How can I serve another person today?
• Why don’t people show me the respect I deserve?

Whatever type of question you ask your brain will go on a search for the answer.  By becoming more aware and mindful one can learn to ask more healthy questions. “I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions….We need to realize that most of what we do, day in and day out, is ask and answer questions.  So if we want to change the quality of our lives, we should change our habitual question.  These questions direct our focus, and therefore how we think and how we feel….I realized that the main difference between the people who seemed to be successful – in any area! – and those who weren’t was that successful people asked better questions, and as a result, they got better answers.  They got answers that empowered them to know exactly what to do in any situation to produce the results they desired.  Quality questions create a quality life. (Awaken the Giant Within, pp.179-180).

Practice asking better question this week!

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We just wanted to let you know that we have published our first, quick read, book called, “The Language of Recovery” this is not the treatment system but is a great companion to the treatment system and help to those seeking a greater understanding of addiction issues.

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When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.



For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife 

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.



He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.



You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

- Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

Remember you are great and you have a lot to offer to others. You are priceless. You know what you did today, yesterday and what you will do tomorrow. Don’t cheat yourself.

You can do it!

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Dear Mr. Bruin,

I have been wanting to write this email for some time, but never envisioned what exactly would “push me over the edge” to do this.

I have been utterly amazed at the words you speak, the knowledge you have, and the effort you make to try and help other people – you really do want to change the world one person at a time!

I started the Inner Gold (IG) treatment right about the end of March, and a few weeks later I subscribed to the podcasts, which have caused me great behavioral changes i.e. after every podcast that I listen to, I have this urge to really change because the podcasts seem to address things I can relate to in an inexplicable manner. I hope this makes sense.

I guess it would help if I tell you a little bit about myself before the above statement would make sense. I am successful airline pilot for one of the biggest airlines in the world. I joined this company at the age of –, and before that I did the most incredible flying up in Africa, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and even Afghanistan! I started flying at the age of –, and have managed to live my dream ever since. I can honestly say that where I am sitting right now (career wise) I have managed to make a dream come true. This is something I am truly thankful for, but I have been dragging this dirty little secret with me since my youth when everything started for me in the form of a school friend telling me how he saw pictures of naked women on the Internet – the rest is self-explanatory.

Just like most of your clients/patients, I suffer from this horrible addiction of pornography too. I finally understand what it feels like to be truly frustrated with the process of trying and failing and staying sober. This is affecting my job, my self esteem, my focus, and I need help.

My biggest problem is that I can not speak to anyone about this. Not that I do not have parents or siblings, but for the exact reason that I do, and not only that, I have a wonderful brother and the best parents in the world… I guess pride is the word that I do not want to use, but know is the subject here, and I just feel like I need to vent. I need to share this with someone. I don’t think I have many friends, and the few ones I do are not exactly the ones I would like to share this with since they are not only friends, but work colleagues.

I listened to the most recent podcast where you say that pornography is the plague of our generation. This rattled me to the bone, and I don’t think any statement so far has shocked me to my core as much as what you described in this particular podcast. It is this very statement that makes me want to change like nothing else.

I have wasted time, money and emotions on pornography, and want to stop. I understand that I need to follow the IG manual’s advice (daily planning sheets, future picture statement, and meditation).

I can not begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have come across your website, and I would like to look back one day and see that I have truly recovered from an addiction.

We hope this letter helped you to relate and to realize you are not alone. As always, YOU CAN DO IT!

Have a great day.

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A question we frequently get is, “My pastor says stop looking at porn. I want to. I try to but have not been able to. What do I do?”

A few things you need to understand:

• This is an addiction
• Addiction is a powerful brain disease
• Chemical reactions are taking place
• The brain actually changes.
• To overcome sexual addiction issues like pornography there needs to be additional help. There are very few people that will power alone will help you manage this addictive behavior.

You need to learn the Language of Recovery

• Acceptance and Surrender
• Awareness
• Mindfulness
• Faith

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Are you addicted to pornography?

Can you relate to any of the following; Secrecy, living a double life, denial, or justification?

Have you ever said to yourself, “It’s better to just keep my porn viewing to myself rather hurt those I love from the pain the truth will cause?”

What about saying, “I will never view pornography again; this is the last time I will ever view porn?”

How about hating porn so much that you would give anything to have it out of your life, but almost mockingly the craving hits so hard you forget the pain it causes and give in despite knowing better?

The double life makes you feel like you are two different people. Sometimes you wonder how the monster inside and burning cravings can come so alive at the forefront when most of the time you live life as a normal decent person. Are you to the point or been at the point where you figure it is just easier to give in because whatever you try or commit to doesn’t work?

Does seeking out and viewing porn seem like a “hunt” or give you a “rush” in the quest to find your next porn fix?

Have you ever been caught viewing pornography and immediately began denying to save face, get angry and justify, or feel so small you want to shrink and disappear knowing you are had?

Are you to the point where viewing porn doesn’t even feel wrong like it used to but the negative consequences are astoundingly real?

Have you ever gone to someone seeking help but not experiencing long-term results in getting away from porn?

Do you have a spouse or close family that has been affected by your habits or do you keep your porn viewing a secret?

Has porn destroyed your relationship(s)? Do your intimate and/or sexual thoughts revolve around porn?

If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are a porn addict. The fact is that is that pornography addicts have confronted most if not all of these questions.

If you don’t agree, then stop; never view porn again. If you deny you are an addict and then view porn again, know that there is somewhere that can bring hope and help in this widespread addiction. It is ok to admit that you need help; denying that fact will only bring you and those you love more pain.

It is important is to understand that you are not alone. There are millions of porn addicts in the world today, with over 40 million in the US alone. Thousands want help but are so confused they either give up trying or feel like they are running around in circles never able to get a handle on stopping. Another fact is that hundreds of porn addicts have found sobriety though Innergold.

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I was reading and responding to a popular forum for pornography addicts last night. I ran into a couple interesting posts. One man who had been trying to get rid of his pornography addiction for quite some time was to the point of complete despair and was suicidal. Another young man had just decided it was time to fess up and stop his porn addiction and was hopeful in beginning his journey.

The young man said that he knew he could do by himself it through willpower and spiritual help alone. The suicidal man, once hopeful, said that he had been already trying for a long time, given up hope, and was so discouraged that there wasn’t’ any point any more. Why do I relate this story?

In recovering from porn addiction one must realize that they cannot do this on their own. Willpower alone is not sufficient. Willpower alone is an defense the brain creates to always have “an excuse” to look at porn and act out again in the future. Trying to do this by control and willpower alone is what leads a man to want to give up due to so many failures at the willpower thing.

It is only when we admit that we need help and cannot do this by willpower alone that we can begin true addiction recovery. This attitude is the beginning of surrender. One must literally give up “fighting” and realize that the addiction is more powerful than themselves. One must respect the power of pornography addiction and learn to accept that they will have addictive desires for the rest of their lives. The desires are normal and not the problem. What human being doesn’t have daily desires? The key is learning to live a happy and productive life without fighting the addiction but rather learning to respect and live with the addiction. This is the attitude of addiction recovery that enables the porn addict to gain the power to lean into the pain of desire without acting out on those feelings. As such sobriety is possible!

If you are struggling with an addiction and need addiction counseling, we can help. You can call us at 801-636-2080

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We apologize but the audio file has become corrupt. We are trying to quickly fix it. – InnerGold

We took the time to interview Robert and to find out why he chose to join the InnerGold team and head up the Youth programs for InnerGold.

Learn more about Robert: http://helplds.com

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