How does a porn addict or sex addict get better?
What is the driving force?
I have heard various people talk about fear. I have a friend who’s wife told him that if he ever looked at porn again, she would divorce him. This may well bring adequate fear…or did it? Well, he is still married and has slipped on occasion. What about the church leader who uses fear with someone who confesses? Is this curative to the addict? For years I often thought this fear of man and even of God might “cure” me from my addiction. I was wrong. Fear only brought temporary success followed by relapse.
It wasn’t until I finally found sobriety through my counseling with InnerGold that I realized how to really get better. It was a literal 360 degree change in my views and perception of fears. I found that using external fears as motivation only created temporary moments of sobriety. Fear meant that I was trying to stop looking at porn for others. What I learned from this finally brought success. I learned to get better for “ME.” Yes for myself. I had grown to hate my addiction and what it did to me. This made me hate myself too often. I had a hard time forgiving myself. I thought that I had to get sober for everyone else. I thought I was secondary. This attitude of “everyone else” is what brings the fear of messing up. It actually drives into the addiciton and creates cycles where the addict slips up more often. Even worse, these slips create hating of ones self and feelings that we are worthless.
I have learned to be confident in myself. I have learned to “love” who I am instead of the former “internal conflict and hate.” On the occasions where I have had small slips, I do not justify but I also do not beat myself up or create feelings of hate from within. I move on and learn instead of dwelling. Instead of always living in fear of “messing up” I strive to live in personal confidence and set daily goals. I am sober for me. This “personal” sobriety from porn is what makes me a better husband, father, church member, and contributor to society. The point is that I no longer focus on the fear of the external but rather focus on internal progress. This is the difference between negative and positive recovery.
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I was invited as a recovered/recovering pornography addict to share some experiences and post to this blog. I have gone through the Innergold treatment program and am grateful to say I have learned to live sober as a pornography addict. I tried many attempts and various things to find sobriety in what was an 20 year addiction. None of these attempts worked long-term. It was the Innergold program that opened my eyes in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I was to the point where I thought I would never get on top of pornography addiction. I was frustrated and my hope for long-term sobriety was all but gone. I’m the kind of guy that is successful, many know me and most wouldn’t believe I am a porn addict. One church leader sat perplexed for a few minutes when I confessed; it took him a while to believe me. I have always been active in my church and had many responsibilities not associated with someone with a pornography addiction. I have probably been to over 20 church leaders over my life trying to get help for my addiction. Most church leaders were just as confused how to help me as I was confused about this addiction. I fit the mold of most addicts…we keep it a secret. Sadly thousands are becoming so accepting of porn that they don’t even care it is a secret, rather they want to share their addiction to justify the behavior.
Many want to know “how long” I have been sober. Suffice to say that I used to relapse into porn where I would indulge for a week or so until I got so guilty and frustrated (or caught) that I felt forced to try to get help again. I didn’t know how to stop once the cycle started. This cycle happened dozens maybe hundreds of times in my life. I even went through periods where I would hide the addiction for weeks/months learning to be a professional justifier. Most addicts know exactly what I am talking about. It has been a long time now since I have gone through that cycle. Innergold has taught me to stay sober and to pick myself up quickly when I find myself slipping so I don’t go into full relapse. My goal in blogging and writing is to share the message that THERE IS HOPE. There is a way to get on top of pornography addiction and stay sober long-term. Definitely not easy or an overnight thing, but there is hope!
Pornography addiction plagues over 40 million US citizens and those are the group who statistically admit or show up on the waves to regularly view porn. I guess (probably accurately) that millions more refuse to admit in surveys that they view porn. It is ironic how embarrassed we porn addicts are to even be truthful in anonymous surveys. I used to be one of those “hide my addiction” statistics. Hiding is part of the denial of those addicted to pornography or whatever the addiction may be. Suffice to say that there are millions of pornography or sexually addicted people out there. Most are in denial and not seeking or caring for help…they will eventually hit rock bottom though. Here’s an interesting statistic that I am making up. Unfortunately, I wish I were really making it up but due to lack of an actual survey I have to say “it’s made up.” 100% of those who regularly view porn or have some other sexual addiction will eventually hit rock bottom. Fortunately, for those seeking help there is hope. What’s amazing is how enabling and fulfilling it is to get help and find sobriety. There will be a number of articles being published to this forum so please visit regularly no matter the reason.
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