Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

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Invictus
This week I would like to invite you to memorize the poem Invictus.  I have a 17 year old young man I have been working with who is struggling with addiction issues and a plague of doubt.  He has memorized this poem and it has changed his outlook on life.  It has given him hope in his ability to deal with his challenges.  He meditates on this poem daily for 10 minutes.  Use this poem as outlined in chapter 5 in the Innergold manual.   For this young man it has transformed his life.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”

-Robert G. Ingersoll

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There is much truth to the saying, “We often find what we are looking for.”  What we find in our personal world is largely a result of the questions we keep asking ourselves over and over again.  If we can learn to change the questions then the outcomes change.  For example, ponder the difference between these sets of questions:

• What action can I take today to improve my sobriety and mental health
• How come I constantly slip up?
• How can I serve another person today?
• Why don’t people show me the respect I deserve?

Whatever type of question you ask your brain will go on a search for the answer.  By becoming more aware and mindful one can learn to ask more healthy questions. “I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions….We need to realize that most of what we do, day in and day out, is ask and answer questions.  So if we want to change the quality of our lives, we should change our habitual question.  These questions direct our focus, and therefore how we think and how we feel….I realized that the main difference between the people who seemed to be successful – in any area! – and those who weren’t was that successful people asked better questions, and as a result, they got better answers.  They got answers that empowered them to know exactly what to do in any situation to produce the results they desired.  Quality questions create a quality life. (Awaken the Giant Within, pp.179-180).

Practice asking better question this week!

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We just wanted to let you know that we have published our first, quick read, book called, “The Language of Recovery” this is not the treatment system but is a great companion to the treatment system and help to those seeking a greater understanding of addiction issues.

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We compare battling addictions to two wolves.

Little Eagle, a lively youngster, approached his wise grandfather, White Mountain, late one afternoon with tears in his eyes.

“Grandfather. There is so much about the ways of life that I do not understand. There are some boys who are mean to me and they always want to fight and do bad things. I’m not afraid of them but I do not want to fight. Why are they so mean?”
White Mountain looked lovingly at his grandson and thought for a moment. “There are two wolves in my heart that are engaged in a ferocious battle,” he said.

Little Eagle wiped his teary cheeks and stared up in wonder at his aging Grandfather.

“One wolf,” the Grandfather continued, “is evil. He is a very vengeful, angry, and violent wolf. He is deceptive and makes trouble everywhere he goes. The other wolf is good and he is our friend. He brings peace, love, joy and all of the great virtues wherever he goes. These two wolves battle inside the hearts of every man, woman and child who walk this Earth.” The grandfather paused again, then went on. “This battle is raging inside the hearts of those boys who taunt you, Little Eagle. “In fact, this same battle is going on inside of you too. It is a terrible struggle.”

Little Eagle pondered this new idea and thought some more about the mean boys. “But, Grandfather,” he asked with great curiosity, “which one of these wolves will win this great battle?”

“Ah! That is a very wise question, Little Eagle,” the Grandfather replied. “The wolf that wins is the one that you feed the most.”

If one feeds the addiction, it grows stronger but if one feeds the healthy self then it grows stronger and can easily manage the dark wolf.

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Dear Mr. Bruin,

I have been wanting to write this email for some time, but never envisioned what exactly would “push me over the edge” to do this.

I have been utterly amazed at the words you speak, the knowledge you have, and the effort you make to try and help other people – you really do want to change the world one person at a time!

I started the Inner Gold (IG) treatment right about the end of March, and a few weeks later I subscribed to the podcasts, which have caused me great behavioral changes i.e. after every podcast that I listen to, I have this urge to really change because the podcasts seem to address things I can relate to in an inexplicable manner. I hope this makes sense.

I guess it would help if I tell you a little bit about myself before the above statement would make sense. I am successful airline pilot for one of the biggest airlines in the world. I joined this company at the age of –, and before that I did the most incredible flying up in Africa, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and even Afghanistan! I started flying at the age of –, and have managed to live my dream ever since. I can honestly say that where I am sitting right now (career wise) I have managed to make a dream come true. This is something I am truly thankful for, but I have been dragging this dirty little secret with me since my youth when everything started for me in the form of a school friend telling me how he saw pictures of naked women on the Internet – the rest is self-explanatory.

Just like most of your clients/patients, I suffer from this horrible addiction of pornography too. I finally understand what it feels like to be truly frustrated with the process of trying and failing and staying sober. This is affecting my job, my self esteem, my focus, and I need help.

My biggest problem is that I can not speak to anyone about this. Not that I do not have parents or siblings, but for the exact reason that I do, and not only that, I have a wonderful brother and the best parents in the world… I guess pride is the word that I do not want to use, but know is the subject here, and I just feel like I need to vent. I need to share this with someone. I don’t think I have many friends, and the few ones I do are not exactly the ones I would like to share this with since they are not only friends, but work colleagues.

I listened to the most recent podcast where you say that pornography is the plague of our generation. This rattled me to the bone, and I don’t think any statement so far has shocked me to my core as much as what you described in this particular podcast. It is this very statement that makes me want to change like nothing else.

I have wasted time, money and emotions on pornography, and want to stop. I understand that I need to follow the IG manual’s advice (daily planning sheets, future picture statement, and meditation).

I can not begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have come across your website, and I would like to look back one day and see that I have truly recovered from an addiction.

We hope this letter helped you to relate and to realize you are not alone. As always, YOU CAN DO IT!

Have a great day.

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We are here to learn how to master ourselves. There really is no way to learn any task or skill without errors. The process of learning has been defined as “successive approximation.” Watch children learning to walk. They literally learn to walk by falling down. Each time they fall, they adjust their balance and try again. Each failure creates a successive approximation.

. . . Finally they can walk.

Do not give up, if you are less than perfect. Pick yourself up quickly, learn from your experience and move on. Mistakes are always the product of hindsight. A mistake is anything you do that you later, upon reflection, wish you had done differently. This also applies to things you didn’t do that you later, upon reflection, wish you had done. It is in the striving that life has its meaning.

Be positive and optimistic and keep moving forward. The only failure in the process of self-mastery is the failure to get up and keep trying after a setback.

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In ancient Asia men learned to tame wild elephants. These powerful beasts were directed for the constructive use of man by gaining trust in their rider. These powerful beasts would respond to the gentle direction given. This is a good analogy as to how the two-part brain works.

The elephant can be likened unto the limbic system which is strong and powerful while the pre-frontal cortex can be likened unto the rider. Which one do you think is stronger, the elephant or the rider?

It is obvious as to pure strength that the elephant is stronger but when the elephant can learn to trust the rider then great things can be accomplished. It must be understood that the elephant will not trust the rider if it is beaten into submission. It is through patience, love and constant redirection that this relationship is developed. Understand that you have a part of yourself that is like the elephant but you also have a part of yourself that is like the rider. The rider can learn to direct the elephant and thereby making a powerful and positive force for good.

Do dailies and constantly holding yourself accountable for your actions is how to do this. As you do this you are in the process of getting better every day. Don’t give up is setbacks come. Learn from them, pick yourself up and move on. The rider who has tamed the elephant has spent years of constant work and patience.

Keep moving forward!

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“People may wonder why anybody would want to run a distance race. What fun is it? Why all the hard, exhausting work? Where does it get you? It is one of the strange ironies of this strange life that those who work the hardest, who subject themselves to the strictest discipline, who give up certain pleasurable things in order to achieve a goal, are the happiest men.”
-Brutus Hamilton

Remember in your daily journey that there is a huge difference between instant gratification and lasting peace. Someone once said that the hallmark of emotional intelligence is the ability to delay instant gratification. Accept what you cannot control and discipline yourself to manage what you can. Triggers mean nothing – it is what you choose to do with them that matters. Lean into the wind and move forward.

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I was reading and responding to a popular forum for pornography addicts last night. I ran into a couple interesting posts. One man who had been trying to get rid of his pornography addiction for quite some time was to the point of complete despair and was suicidal. Another young man had just decided it was time to fess up and stop his porn addiction and was hopeful in beginning his journey.

The young man said that he knew he could do by himself it through willpower and spiritual help alone. The suicidal man, once hopeful, said that he had been already trying for a long time, given up hope, and was so discouraged that there wasn’t’ any point any more. Why do I relate this story?

In recovering from porn addiction one must realize that they cannot do this on their own. Willpower alone is not sufficient. Willpower alone is an defense the brain creates to always have “an excuse” to look at porn and act out again in the future. Trying to do this by control and willpower alone is what leads a man to want to give up due to so many failures at the willpower thing.

It is only when we admit that we need help and cannot do this by willpower alone that we can begin true addiction recovery. This attitude is the beginning of surrender. One must literally give up “fighting” and realize that the addiction is more powerful than themselves. One must respect the power of pornography addiction and learn to accept that they will have addictive desires for the rest of their lives. The desires are normal and not the problem. What human being doesn’t have daily desires? The key is learning to live a happy and productive life without fighting the addiction but rather learning to respect and live with the addiction. This is the attitude of addiction recovery that enables the porn addict to gain the power to lean into the pain of desire without acting out on those feelings. As such sobriety is possible!

If you are struggling with an addiction and need addiction counseling, we can help. You can call us at 801-636-2080

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Another new site about curing pornography addiction just popped up.

I’m sure there is good info on there but it is coming across as a miracle cure. 6 weeks to freedom after you pay $500 bucks. This guy has has done a lot of research but he is not a therapist but who wants to be one – at least that is my take. It is a nice looking site and will draw a lot of people in. It is such a subtle and enticing pull to think that you can be cured in 6 weeks.

The more I think about it the more frustrated I am with sites like this. It is playing to the addicted brain. There is no doubt that the information he has can be helpful but to put it out there as a cure is going to lure a lot of people in and make him a lot of money and then they will be in the same place a year down the road or at least many of them will. It is such an alluring idea for there to be a cure. It makes one seem almost anti helpful to suggest that the cure is incorporating small and consistent principles on a daily basis. Is there a full money back guarantee if the cure doesn’t work. It is all a marketing ploy to get rich. That is what I feel.

Overcoming sexual addiction is a process and not a 6 weeks event. It is like saying you can become an NBA basketball player in 6 weeks if you just follow this program or you can become a PhD. in six weeks etc. Many have become frustrated with this reality and wish that in one great battle it could all be over. “It is not given to the rest of us, nor was it given to Jesus, to meet the foe, to fight and overcome in a single encounter, once for all time. The strife between the immortal spirit and the flesh, between the offspring of God on the one hand, the world and the devil on the other, is persistent through life.” (Jesus The Christ).

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Yes, the InnerGold treatment system will help all individuals struggling with sexual addiction issues.

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