Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

How does a porn addict or sex addict get better?

What is the driving force?

I have heard various people talk about fear. I have a friend who’s wife told him that if he ever looked at porn again, she would divorce him. This may well bring adequate fear…or did it? Well, he is still married and has slipped on occasion. What about the church leader who uses fear with someone who confesses? Is this curative to the addict? For years I often thought this fear of man and even of God might “cure” me from my addiction. I was wrong. Fear only brought temporary success followed by relapse.

It wasn’t until I finally found sobriety through my counseling with InnerGold that I realized how to really get better. It was a literal 360 degree change in my views and perception of fears. I found that using external fears as motivation only created temporary moments of sobriety. Fear meant that I was trying to stop looking at porn for others. What I learned from this finally brought success. I learned to get better for “ME.” Yes for myself. I had grown to hate my addiction and what it did to me. This made me hate myself too often. I had a hard time forgiving myself. I thought that I had to get sober for everyone else. I thought I was secondary. This attitude of “everyone else” is what brings the fear of messing up. It actually drives into the addiciton and creates cycles where the addict slips up more often. Even worse, these slips create hating of ones self and feelings that we are worthless.

I have learned to be confident in myself. I have learned to “love” who I am instead of the former “internal conflict and hate.” On the occasions where I have had small slips, I do not justify but I also do not beat myself up or create feelings of hate from within. I move on and learn instead of dwelling. Instead of always living in fear of “messing up” I strive to live in personal confidence and set daily goals. I am sober for me. This “personal” sobriety from porn is what makes me a better husband, father, church member, and contributor to society. The point is that I no longer focus on the fear of the external but rather focus on internal progress. This is the difference between negative and positive recovery.