Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

“We would like to celebrate heroism and heroes as special acts by special people.  However, most people who are held up to this higher plane insist that what they did was not special, was really what everyone should have done in the situation.  They refuse to consider themselves “hero’s.”  Maybe such a reaction comes from the ingrained notion we all have – that hero’s are supermen and women, a cut or more above the common breed.  Perhaps more than their modesty is at work.  Perhaps, rather, it is our general misconception of what it takes to be heroic.” – Philip Zimbardo

Perhaps the greatest acts of heroism go unnoticed on a daily basis as one continues to maintain their sobriety in an increasingly challenging world.  Heroism focuses us on what is right with human nature.  We care about heroic stories because they serve as powerful reminders that people are capable of resisting evil, of not giving in to temptations, of rising above mediocrity, and of heeding the call to action and to service when others fail to act.  Be a hero today by focusing on your future picture statement and doing your dailies!  The power to influence the world resides in small acts.

Remember the statement by Margaret Mead a cultural anthropologist who said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Be a HERO today!

Share on Facebook

I was invited as a recovered/recovering pornography addict to share some experiences and post to this blog. I have gone through the Innergold treatment program and am grateful to say I have learned to live sober as a pornography addict. I tried many attempts and various things to find sobriety in what was an 20 year addiction. None of these attempts worked long-term. It was the Innergold program that opened my eyes in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I was to the point where I thought I would never get on top of pornography addiction. I was frustrated and my hope for long-term sobriety was all but gone. I’m the kind of guy that is successful, many know me and most wouldn’t believe I am a porn addict. One church leader sat perplexed for a few minutes when I confessed; it took him a while to believe me. I have always been active in my church and had many responsibilities not associated with someone with a pornography addiction. I have probably been to over 20 church leaders over my life trying to get help for my addiction. Most church leaders were just as confused how to help me as I was confused about this addiction. I fit the mold of most addicts…we keep it a secret. Sadly thousands are becoming so accepting of porn that they don’t even care it is a secret, rather they want to share their addiction to justify the behavior.

Many want to know “how long” I have been sober. Suffice to say that I used to relapse into porn where I would indulge for a week or so until I got so guilty and frustrated (or caught) that I felt forced to try to get help again. I didn’t know how to stop once the cycle started. This cycle happened dozens maybe hundreds of times in my life. I even went through periods where I would hide the addiction for weeks/months learning to be a professional justifier. Most addicts know exactly what I am talking about. It has been a long time now since I have gone through that cycle. Innergold has taught me to stay sober and to pick myself up quickly when I find myself slipping so I don’t go into full relapse. My goal in blogging and writing is to share the message that THERE IS HOPE. There is a way to get on top of pornography addiction and stay sober long-term. Definitely not easy or an overnight thing, but there is hope!

Pornography addiction plagues over 40 million US citizens and those are the group who statistically admit or show up on the waves to regularly view porn. I guess (probably accurately) that millions more refuse to admit in surveys that they view porn. It is ironic how embarrassed we porn addicts are to even be truthful in anonymous surveys. I used to be one of those “hide my addiction” statistics. Hiding is part of the denial of those addicted to pornography or whatever the addiction may be. Suffice to say that there are millions of pornography or sexually addicted people out there. Most are in denial and not seeking or caring for help…they will eventually hit rock bottom though. Here’s an interesting statistic that I am making up. Unfortunately, I wish I were really making it up but due to lack of an actual survey I have to say “it’s made up.” 100% of those who regularly view porn or have some other sexual addiction will eventually hit rock bottom. Fortunately, for those seeking help there is hope. What’s amazing is how enabling and fulfilling it is to get help and find sobriety. There will be a number of articles being published to this forum so please visit regularly no matter the reason.

Share on Facebook

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Often I hear from clients that they are overwhelmed with the thought of staying sober forever.  Because they have had so many failed attempts at remaining sober it is as though they have lost hope at the deepest level that they can really do it.

Not fully understanding the concept of time gets in their way.  When they think that they must remain sober for the remainder of their lives it is overwhelming and often leads to acting out behaviors.  The addicted brain tells them: “Your not going to be able to resist forever so you might as well get it over with and act out.”

First of all we need to change the way we think about time.  Most clients that InnerGold works with are either stuck in the past or overwhelmed by the future.  They either beat themselves up continually as they look at their past behaviors or they live in fear of future slips or relapses.  This is addictive thinking and will only increase the probability that the addiction will thrive.

In reality the only time we ever have is the present moment.  Time is a concept that we live with in order to make sense of things but in reality it doesn’t really exist.  The misunderstanding of this powerful truth keeps individuals stuck in the addiction.  The only thing that we ever really have is the present moment – the now.   The past is gone forever and the future never really comes.  The only time we can ever experience the past or the future is in the present moment.  It is the concept of the future that moves us to action in the present moment.  When you make a plan for tomorrow what you are really doing is planning for a present moment in the future.  I know, I know this can seem kind of strange to talk like this but ponder these concepts as it relates to recovery and change.

When one finally starts to understand the concept of the now the addiction can begin to losse its power.  One begins to understand that they don’t need to remain sober forever but just for today. In other words forever is today.   I have seen individuals grasp this concept and it changes their lives.  Compare the following two statements:

“For the next 50 years or until I die I am making the commitment that I am never, never, never going to look at pornography or act out sexually again.”

or

“I am making a commitment to myself that I will not look at pornography or act out sexually in an inappropriate manner during this 24 hour period of time called today.”

Which of these two statements seem more manageable?  InnerGold has seen individuals grasp this concept and find much sought after sobriety because they understand that they don’t need to worry about the future because it’s just a concept.  Many use the mantra, “I don’t act out in the present moment.”  When the addictive brain hits you with a trigger or craving you acknowledge it and repeat in a gentle manner, “I don’t act out in the present moment” and then move on.

“A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment.  If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursues.”

-Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Share on Facebook

At the foundation of the InnerGold Program is the consistent application of the daily planning sheet and daily meditation practice.  For most men completing these two tasks on a daily basis a week at a time can be likened to climbing “Mt. Everest!”

The standing joke is, “you guys would think that you were asked to climb “Mt. Everest” as it relates to meeting these weekly goals.

These two goals are so simple many overlook the power that is inherent in them.  It is easy to feel that completing a daily planning sheet and practicing meditation won’t really make much of a difference but it does.  The power to change lies in doing the small and simple things consistently.  Holding yourself accountable each and everyday is the beginning of the process of change.  Daily planning sheets help you to do this. The probability of lasting sobriety increases in direct proportion to your willingness to complete your daily planning sheets and practice your meditation consistently. Remember that by small and simple means great things will come to pass.

Share on Facebook