Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

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Dear Mr. Bruin,

I have been wanting to write this email for some time, but never envisioned what exactly would “push me over the edge” to do this.

I have been utterly amazed at the words you speak, the knowledge you have, and the effort you make to try and help other people – you really do want to change the world one person at a time!

I started the Inner Gold (IG) treatment right about the end of March, and a few weeks later I subscribed to the podcasts, which have caused me great behavioral changes i.e. after every podcast that I listen to, I have this urge to really change because the podcasts seem to address things I can relate to in an inexplicable manner. I hope this makes sense.

I guess it would help if I tell you a little bit about myself before the above statement would make sense. I am successful airline pilot for one of the biggest airlines in the world. I joined this company at the age of –, and before that I did the most incredible flying up in Africa, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and even Afghanistan! I started flying at the age of –, and have managed to live my dream ever since. I can honestly say that where I am sitting right now (career wise) I have managed to make a dream come true. This is something I am truly thankful for, but I have been dragging this dirty little secret with me since my youth when everything started for me in the form of a school friend telling me how he saw pictures of naked women on the Internet – the rest is self-explanatory.

Just like most of your clients/patients, I suffer from this horrible addiction of pornography too. I finally understand what it feels like to be truly frustrated with the process of trying and failing and staying sober. This is affecting my job, my self esteem, my focus, and I need help.

My biggest problem is that I can not speak to anyone about this. Not that I do not have parents or siblings, but for the exact reason that I do, and not only that, I have a wonderful brother and the best parents in the world… I guess pride is the word that I do not want to use, but know is the subject here, and I just feel like I need to vent. I need to share this with someone. I don’t think I have many friends, and the few ones I do are not exactly the ones I would like to share this with since they are not only friends, but work colleagues.

I listened to the most recent podcast where you say that pornography is the plague of our generation. This rattled me to the bone, and I don’t think any statement so far has shocked me to my core as much as what you described in this particular podcast. It is this very statement that makes me want to change like nothing else.

I have wasted time, money and emotions on pornography, and want to stop. I understand that I need to follow the IG manual’s advice (daily planning sheets, future picture statement, and meditation).

I can not begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have come across your website, and I would like to look back one day and see that I have truly recovered from an addiction.

We hope this letter helped you to relate and to realize you are not alone. As always, YOU CAN DO IT!

Have a great day.

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“There is no such thing as a day without challenges and obstacles to work through. Learning to look at challenges and obstacles as opportunities for growth is helpful in developing an optimistic outlook on life. Expecting, even in the slightest degree that you should not have to face challenges and obstacles today is a set up for frustration, irritation, and depression. Striving for small perfect moments throughout the day is a positive way to approach the world.” – Carol Dwec

Remember, look for the small perfect moments in your day!

Sometimes those perfect moments are very simple.

A critical part to any recovery program is to have a plan that you can refer to over and over again. Many who struggle with sexual addiction might get frustrated with plans because they seem to fail over and over again at staying sober. The plan however is critical and a sound thing to return to. It is good to look at slips or relapses and failed attempts not as failure. It just means that you haven’t found the success that you’ve hoped for yet. It is possible to find that success with a sound and dynamic plan. A dynamic plan is something that is always moving and can change from day to day according to your wishes.

One of the core components to the INNERGOLD TREATEMT MANUAL is the daily planning sheet. The daily planning sheet is set up to help you focus on the present day. At the core of the daily planning sheet is a very personalized Future Picture Statement that you create for yourself. The Future Picture Statement is a statement of what you dream you can become in time. It is a powerful personal document that can help lead you in a positive and chosen direction. It is pro-active rather than re-active.

If we do not have a specific plan for ourselves we are walking on thin ice in our current world as it relates to developing addictions. One client put it this way, “Life is like going on an Easter Egg hunt in a minefield.”

At the top of the daily planning sheet is your Future Picture Statement. Then there is the section that focuses on your daily goals in four main areas: Physical, Emotion, Spiritual and Sexual. It is in this section that you set small measurable and achievable goals for yourself day by day. At the bottom of the daily planning sheet is a Lessons Learned section where you hold yourself accountable for your daily actions. Unless you have a pro-active and self-chosen path to follow you will spend your time in re-active mode, which is opening yourself up to many unsolicited and unwanted things. Wherever you are at in the recovery process this is something that you have the power to do. Start incorporating this daily planning procedure in your life an it will help you move in a self chosen direction.

Victor Hugo: poet, playwright, novelist, essayist, visual artist, statesman, human rights campaigner

“He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the change of incidence, chaos will soon reign.” Victor Hugo (1802-1885)