Help For Pornography & Sexual Addiction

:: transfered from our previous blog – posted by becoming sober ::

The number of people seeking counseling for pornography and sexual addictions is increasing. What about young people? In a forum I participate in, there are various men between 15-19 years old that talk about their addictions but cannot enroll in programs. Some due to money, access to a credit card, or they simply still rely and live on their parents and keep addiciton a secret with them.

This is where the problem generally grows and becomes an all out addiction….when young. Almost every man and woman I have known with sexual addictions of any kind can trace the beginnings back to childhood or youth. Most also relate their addictions to some element of the Internet now days. As parents, we must communicate with our young people. Most youth have seen hard core porn images by the time they are 12 years old. As youth, I recommend simply talking to parents or even a church leader if you are viewing porn or have other sexual addictions.

Waiting to get help is like saying, “Hey, I will wait until I totally destroy my life, then I will get help.” Sadly, that is what most addicts do. They justify their own control and lie to themselves until they are forced to get help or have hit such a low place that there is nowhere else to go. I was happy to see a story on Fox News online talking about how the FCC is proposing a free wireless internet hub nationwide but the catch is that it will be “No Porn.” http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,460247,00.html

My internet porn addiction started off of simple curiousity at first but spread like wildfire. Most start that same way. I hope we can all be aware of the dangers for sexual addictions…young and old. As parents we should communicate with and help our kids understand the dangers. If they are already addicted as a young person…get them involved in a program now while you still have influence over them in the home.

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by: Gordon S. Bruin M.A., L.P.C.
American Board Certified Professional Counselor

To understand sexual addiction one must first have a basic/fundamental understanding of how the brain works.  In a very real sense we all literally have two brains as it were working on concert with each other.   How these two brains coordinate daily activities with each other will determine the quality of a person’s life.  There is the primitive or emotional brain known as the (Limbic System) and the rational logical part known as the pre-frontal cortex.  When one has become addicted the rational – moral – logical part of the brain seems weak when trying to deal with the compulsions that originate from the Limbic System.

Two-part brain: Prefrontal Cortex (logical thinking); Limbic System (survival portion of the brain)

For example, I recently received the following email,

“I am sick to my core by virtue of my indulgence in pornography. To be honest my appetite for porn accounted for why I got the internet in the very first place and now that I am down in a horrendous pit I seriously wonder whether there is hope of recovery for me for whenever I log onto the internet I must view porn. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I change who I am presently? Is there any change possible in the future for me?”

This person is dealing with an addiction because he experiences a profound sense of loss of control.  The part of his brain that is writing the above letter is the moral rational self or pre-frontal cortex.  His rational self is deeply disturbed by the things he has allowed himself to see and do.  After getting what it wants the Limbic System lays low and goes undercover.  If we were to engage the Limbic System we would hear a completely different series of thoughts.  Herein lays the dilemma of addiction.  A part of him wants to stop and yet a part wants to continue with the behavior.   Learning to recognize, understand and deal with this part that wants to continue with the behavior is what the InnerGold System is about.

Addiction occurs when the primitive or emotional brain dominates the decision making process.  Those who have become addicted are troubled by a fairly frequent obsession or compulsion to participate in behaviors that trouble the rational or logical mind.  The best word to describe what an obsession or compulsion feels like to an addict is “be-siege.”  Be-siege means: To surround with hostile forces. To crowd around; hem in. To harass or importune, as with requests: To cause to feel distressed or worried.  The clients that I have worked with over the years have described such feelings over and over again.

Those who struggle with sexual addiction don’t want these thoughts to come they just do.  These thoughts “harass, with requests” and they seem to never tire or leave for long. In other words they be-siege the person’s rational mind.  These thoughts originate from the Limbic (sub-conscious) part of the brain where there are no morals or values and where instant gratification is one of the prime directives. Again learning how to think differently about these thoughts and how to deal with them lays the foundation for recovery and change.  These skill and tools are taught in the InnerGold manual.  The rational brain has the capacity to manage the limbic but it must be taught a new language in order to do so.

Sex addicts often think, “I can stop anytime I want to. I don’t need this. I just like it.” Their rationalization never ceases until something of major proportion happens like: divorce, loss of job, getting in trouble with the law, etc. Then sex addicts realize there needs to be a change in their life style.

Common Signs, Symptoms and Behaviors of Pornography/Sexual Addiction
• Disengaged
• Not fully present when with others
• Exhaustion – both physically and emotionally
• Feel like two different people
• Secret behaviors
• Embarrassed about personal behaviors
• Deliberately vague: Omit facts, distort truth when questioned and stay out of the light.
• Avoid direct questions
• Tend to isolate
• Easily frustrated
• Use anger as a weapon to control others
• Low self-esteem
• Build up self by putting others down
• Fatigue
• Foggy mind
• Attempt to change the subject and confuse by introducing irrelevant material.
• Agree without commitment (say ‘yes’ without any commitment to it)
• Claim to be changed after doing the right thing only briefly.
• Accuse others of misunderstanding.
• Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
• Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
• Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
• Consistent use of pornography
• Unsafe sex
• Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
• Prostitution or use of prostitutes
• Exhibitionism
• Obsessive dating through personal ads
• Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
• Sexual harassment
• Molestation/rape

Is there recovery/sobriety from this addiction?

Yes! InnerGold approaches the treatment of sexual addiction differently than others. Our approach is an inside out approach. We help a person understand why they feel like two different people. Why part of them wants to stop and the other part of them can’t stop. We call it the two-part brain.

Sexuality is a natural part of our lives but it can become distorted and twisted when it is left un-restrained.  The reason why pornography is the perfect moral poison is that the Limbic system is just doing its job.  It is only natural to be attracted to sexual material at the instinctive level.  For this reason it is the great exploiter of our time.

Recovery

Recovery is not a quick fix. It takes time and hard work but with help the sex addict can get control of their life and experience hope, confidence and long-term sobriety. InnerGold has become one of the world’s foremost treatment programs and has helped hundreds of addicts gain sobriety. Our recovery process begins with our treatment system and our free tools found throughout our site, like our daily and weekly boosts, our videos, our presentation on the two-part brain. For those who feel like they need additional help in becoming get sober, we offer phone counseling sessions, our monthly group MP3′s and will continue to provide more and more help aids.

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