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“Our destiny is not mapped out for us by some exterior power; we map it out for ourselves. What we think and do in the present determines what shall happen to us in the future. There is nothing in your life that you cannot modify, change, or improve when you learn to regulate your thought.” – Christian Larson (1874-1954)
What you think about and do today, affects tomorrow. What has been your thoughts today? Is this who you want to be tomorrow and in the future?
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Q: Am I not available enough for my spouse or giving them what they want?
A: I don’t look at this addiction that way. A spouse can be totally available and very responsive in an intimate relationship. It doesn’t really have that much to do with the addiction. Yes it can be trigger if there is a fight and it can be a challenge if a spouse is not responsive. They do play into it but it is not a spouses fault if they choose to act out.
If there are those problems in a relationship, it is the responsibility of the spouse to communicate with one another.
It is always a challenge between a husband and wife. Men on average like a physical connection 2 to 3 times a week. Women generally are ok with once one to two weeks. This is generally speaking but as a general consensus this what I have noticed as I have counseled with couples.
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At the core of lasting recovering and change lie the concepts of acceptance and surrender. It is a paradox for sure but the way to find peace and sobriety from sexual addiction is in the process of giving up the fight. When one demands that they conquer the addiction once and for all it has a tendency to keep it more entrenched due to the way the addicted brain works. This is one of the most challenging concepts to teach and even more challenging to understand. It seems so counter intuitive. One of the best dialogues to teach this powerful yet simple concept comes from the old Kung Fu television series where the young Shaolin Priest Caine is seeking wisdom from his teacher Master Kan.
Learning the importance of Acceptance and Surrender
Caine: “Master our bodies are prey to many needs hunger, thirst, the need for love. Shall we then not strive to satisfy these needs?”
Master Kan: “Only acknowledge them and satisfaction will follow. To deny a truth gives it a force beyond endurance.”
To name and acknowledge a trigger when it comes is to accept it for what it is. One need not feel ashamed or guilty for having a trigger. It is in denying the fact that one is triggered that gives it a force beyond endurance and generally leads to acting out. To accept it for what it is and then to let it go is to bring a measure of peace and satisfaction that will never be felt by acting on the trigger.
“The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp it.” -anonymous
“From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.” -Chief Joseph
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Categories: Pornography Addiction Help Tags: acceptance and surrender, addicted, bird of paradise, brain, lasting recovery, master bodies, master kan, porn addiction, Pornography Addiction Help, sexual addiction, shaolin priest caine, trigger
